Saturday, November 13, 2010

I am more...

Okay. I love running. Running challenges me, and I can never fully kick its ass. I can always go f u r t h e r, faster, on different terrain, etc... I love the way I feel knowing it's just me against the world, outside on my own submersed in the elements.

I love races and all of the feelings that accompany race day; the butterflies, the high, the anticipation, feeling like you share this special bond with all of these other runners, crossing the finish line, everything.

I love running and all that it offers me. But I realized something recently, running is a HUGE part of my life and I choose to use a lot of my time doing so, but running does not define me. It's not my whole life. It's not all of who I am.

I've had this terrible ITB thing that hasn't gone away and hasn't gotten better. Am I bummed to be sidelined by such a silly injury? Yes. But I've just been wallowing like running is all I've got.

It's not.

Running, I love you. Heck, I even lust for you. But you're not the only man in my life.

I haven't been able to run and I let it effect my pscyhe. I'm not happy with myself or these serious moments [millenniums] of weakness I've been having.

I [we] canceled our trip to Florida. I can't run balls out right now and that's a fact. I know I don't have to justify my decision, but I do anyway.

Florida would cost a lot of money, I would miss a couple of weeks of GradSchool, work, etc. And to be completely and totally honest with you, I was DISGUSTED with the thought of going there and seeing how the race went and just playing it by ear and running as much as I could, walking the rest... HECK NO! That is just not me. I can struggle with moderation [flaws, much?] and I don't want to run a race I can't commit to 100%.

So, since I made that decision I sort of fell off the face of the earth and did nothing. I felt worthless and defeated. I know it seems silly, its just a race...right? But I put so much hard work into it and I felt like not being able to go and kill it meant I was less of a person.

And then, I picked myself up by the boot straps.

I've been hitting the gym four days a week which I love and have missed. I'm lifting heavy and often and I feel good. I love being sore in a different way. I've been doing a lot of arc training while I'm there and some cycling, too. Trying to get in as much cardio as I can.

I've gone back to doing yoga several times a week for about an hour most nights. It feels good to be long, lean, and limber.

I'm applying to a PhD program. Gulp.

I'm cooking new things.

Anyways, the moral of the story is: I love running but running is not my entire makeup. There's so much more to me and I can find serenity in a lot of other places.


So- I've schedule a few 5 and 10Ks for the winter to get my head back into the game and then I'm heading to Cali in Feb for a couple of weeks for a NASP convention and to visit my brother and to run my first half marathon...

The way I see it my half just got postponed...not canceled.

Let me live my life of delusion.

2 comments:

  1. Good for you! That's the way to handle it...we can all learn from you!

    ReplyDelete